Q: Why do we lose we losing our freedom and lightness as soon as a relationship goes deeper?
You don’t need to. A relationship should come from a space of contributing, not demanding, then it will be nurturing. In every relationship, if we think, “What can I take from this person, or get from this person” then it’s going to be very disturbing. But when you come from the attitude that, “I am going to be a part of this person, give whatever I can, and contribute whatever I can, to this person’s life”, then it lasts longer.
Q: I am not sure if I am with the right partner. What do I do?
See, if your relationship is based on personal need, it may not last long. Once the need is fulfilled, on a physical level or on an emotional level, the mind will look for something else and go somewhere else. If your relationship is from the level of sharing, then it can last longer.
When you are looking for security, love and comfort from your partner, you become weak. All the negative emotions come up and you become demanding, and demand destroys love. If we just know this one thing, we could save our love from getting rotten.
Q: Is there true love in this world? Most of the times love seems to be out of convenience.
Do you love others unconditionally? Ask yourself this! Do not judge other people’s love for you. Suppose you find that someone’s love for you is conditional, don’t ask them, “Do you really love me? How much do you love me? Will you continue to love me all your life?”
Take it for granted that the other person loves you. If you find that their love is a little less, ask them, “Why do you love me so much?” instead of saying "You don’t love me".
Q: How do you bring peace to a relationship with a lot of conflict and arguments?
There are two ways to handle it:
- Move away from that place at that time - because when everybody is angry and things are heating up, everyone goes deaf. Angry people do not listen to anyone. The best thing is move away a little bit and wait for things to cool down.
- Be there, with patience - First agree with the person, say, "Yes, I agree with you". Suppose your partner is arguing with you, don’t say, "No, you are wrong". Instead say, "Yes, you are right, I agree with you". The moment you agree, the temperature comes down. As the temperature comes down, say, "But…". This is the secret. Sometimes people come to me with big ideas. I tell them, "Your idea is brilliant, very good, but it is impractical". Use your skill to calm the situation, and then get across what you want to the other person.
Q: How do we deal with the anger I have towards my spouse, especially when we both are at completely different frequencies?
First realize you are magnanimous. If you believe in your magnanimity and your inner beauty, it will become easier for you to handle all such situations. When you don’t look within, when you are simply focusing on the behavior of others, it will definitely rattle your mind. Then you try to correct the other person and you will be unsuccessful.
People who irritate you, in some way or the other can bring about the best in you. They can bring out the talents and skills in you. See, when everyone around you is wonderful you don’t need any skill to handle a situation. It will only happen when there are people whom you think are unreasonable. So take it as an exercise as much as possible. I know it is not an easy job, but at least you save your mind.
Q: When love turns into bitterness, what to do?
Just wait, don’t react, the bitterness will turn back into love again. You often see that the people for whom you have done so much turn bitter, and you cannot handle it. This is because you expect everyone to be in an enlightened state, and that is not possible. Everyone is not just going to be as accepting as you are, or be in an unconditionally giving and loving space. That is not possible. You will have to face reactions, and you should face it, that is it.
Q: Should we protect our relationships at the cost of our self-respect?
Self-respect is one thing and egoism is another. Self-respect is something that nobody can snatch from you. If you have self-respect then you will keep smiling even if a million people verbally abuse you. Accept criticism! It is the other person’s choice to say what they want to say.
Somebody once told me something, and I told them that they have all the right to project their ignorance. Why should we spoil our mind over another's ignorance? Save it at any cost.
Q: How to keep on loving without expecting. How is it possible? In love expectations arise, and if not fulfilled, it hurts.
Yes, you will have to go through these gymnastics. If you have wisdom, you don’t have to go through the pain to learn. When there is lack of wisdom, you go through pain, but you will come out of it in sometime, don’t worry.
This is why it is important for one to have a larger context to life. When you have a larger context, all these trivial things don’t really bother you. They are all like waves on the surface of the ocean, they rise and fall. So, have a bigger context to life; that is the knowledge of the self.
When you go deeper into the self, you realize that nothing can shake you because you are much bigger than your emotions, your situations and the people around you. Their praise and their blame don’t matter because you are much bigger than all this!
Self knowledge uplifts you. With self knowledge you do not drown in the ocean of emotions and hurt.
6 Ways to Make Your Relationship Stronger
Most of the time, we look elsewhere for a perfect relationship; very few look within themselves, at the place from where they relate. To have a perfect relationship, you first need to see how you related with yourself. You need to look inside.
How to Get Over A Broken Heart
Relationships cause you so many problems and you get so heartbroken.When a relationship breaks down, you get so devastated as though you cannot exist anymore. At that time, it is wisdom that can give you the strength to move on.