In this Weekly Wisdom, Gurudev describes how relationships break down and how you can make them last longer.
In response to a question about infidelity, Gurudev shared the following:
If someone does something wrong, such as your spouse cheating on you, there’s a problem.
What do you do? Find out why they’re cheating. They may lack higher joy and satisfaction.
The mind wants new things
See, the mind loves the new. You take pride in new technology. But the heart yearns for the old. You take pride in an old friendship.
If you’re in love with cars, you may say, “Oh, yes, that’s a vintage car.” But that’s not from your mind. That’s your passion. But you don’t drive your vintage car to your office. It’s a showpiece.
The mind gets joy from something new. But it’s not sustainable.
The mind changes. The heart holds on. That’s why people cheat. Basically, they don’t even know why.
Life’s higher context
The higher context to life is that you’re a beautiful source of energy. You’re part of something bigger. What hurts you most is when someone you love lies to you. You want to know why.
You simply must know that they value your love over truth. They’re scared of losing your love. Fear of losing love makes one tell lies.
What do they value most? Love! If you didn’t value love, then why bother to lie? Create safe space. Say, “I’m with you.” Then they’ll open their heart and talk.
When they’re sure of not losing your love, they confess. Usually, it’s easier with a mother. Your mother won't reject you at any cost, so you tell your mom everything, right? Mostly.
So you tell your mother, your teacher, your guide, and your mentor. You don’t shy away. You know you won’t lose them. They won’t judge you. Can’t we have a similar relationship in marriage also? It’s possible.
There are some households and families that have this type of bonding. Strong bonding makes lies disappear.
Policing your spouse
When you start a marriage, you want to know everything. You make the spouse an object of your knowledge. Then, you start policing them. You ask, “Where did you go? With whom? What did you eat? What did they say?”
Then, that person feels stifled. “Give me some space,” they say.
So you fall out of love the moment you start policing. Isn’t it foolish to want to know your spouse? Do you know yourself? How much do you know about yourself?
Anybody’s mind can turn any time in any direction. The mind is so fluid and thinner than air. It can just fly.
Faith in the future
You can say, “People need principles.” That’s correct. Once you know someone’s principles, even if they’ve done something wrong, they won’t do it in the future.
That’s a general belief. That’s faith. So you have faith that your spouse has a good character and will be good in the future.
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Check out Gurudev’s Instagram post: How to Handle Fights in a Relationship.
