Dear Stress
It has been a long time since I butted heads with you. How strange that I didn’t even think of describing our interactions as such earlier! I would only ever regard you as an occasional visitor, who perhaps, overstayed now and then. I would pretend that I could handle the excess load and thought that an uncomplaining attitude showed a resilience of character. Now, of course, I know better.
I confess that the time away from you has done me a world of good. I find that I am not obsessing about the past or dreaming about the future as much as I used to. I now strive to live each moment as it was designed to be lived – in the present. With wholeheartedness and complete commitment. All this is not because my schedule has changed. I am as busy as I ever was. Except that I find that the same things that used to cause me great anxiety and nervousness do not affect me now. I have my new friends - yoga, Sudarshan Kriya, and meditation - to thank for this.
They have become my faithful companions. Sometimes, I can’t understand or explain their seemingly paradoxical methods. For instance, I don’t feel pressured to be someone I am not: I am satisfied, yet not complacent; fast, yet not hurried. They do not tell me to over-reach myself; yet, I can tell I am being nudged, ever so gently, towards excellence.
They work seamlessly and unobtrusively, never letting me suspect that they are behind my changed ways. Their unique technique lies in channeling my own energy and abilities towards what is best for me. Moving thus, towards nature, has nourished and fulfilled me.
Straying from the PATH
It is not without a struggle that this new path has opened up for me. A few weeks after the initial euphoria of this new and energizing way of life began to lose its novelty, I fell back to my old ways. I became complacent. I thought that the yoga and Kriya sessions would justify my binging sessions. Like running a mile would entitle me to eat that triple-layered chocolate cake. I realized that these lifestyle choices were not compatible with the ones my new friends had taught me. You will remember, as you paid me a few visits on those late nights. I could feel the familiar aches and pains resurface like a bad dream.
What helped me at that time was the companionship of like-minded friends and Satsang sessions. They kept my hunger for knowledge and awareness alive and well-fed. My friends, yoga, and meditation have also taught me that along with this newfound way of life, I must maintain a complementary diet, with plenty of water, fresh fruits and vegetables, and a regular sleep schedule. These small adjustments also helped me get closer to them. A few other incidents that I have described here also reinforced my belief in my new friends.
My personal experiences
A couple of months into my relationship with my new friends, my perennial backache ‘mysteriously’ left me. I didn’t trust that it had left the neighborhood for good though. So, I waited for it to make an appearance in some form or other, as it had done in the past. I anticipated its return every evening, the next day, or the next week. But, it has been ten months now; I haven’t felt its presence. I found the experience illogical, frankly. My workload had not reduced. My schedule was as long and strenuous as it had always been. It seemed like my life had not undergone any significant change. Except for the entry of these friends into my life. I had underestimated their power and sway. Naturally, I began to trust them more and more.
Yesterday my six-year-old took my face in his soft, chubby hands and said, “Amma, you have two eyebrows.” It took me a while to understand what he meant. I did not have a unibrow. Then, suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks – he was saying that he had only ever seen me with knitted eyebrows – a permanent frown plastered on my face. I can’t remember what mood I was in, but his words energized and refreshed me. If a six-year-old could see the difference, I wasn’t imagining it.
I won’t lie. It was not fun to kick any of my old habits…be it the butt or the bottle. Fried and fast food also fought hard to find a place in my diet. I had to practice regularly and with discipline. But, there were various support mechanisms as well. For instance, I listened to knowledge talks by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, which, amazingly, hit the nail on the head of my problem each time. Satsang sessions presented another fun and energizing outlet to share my experiences.
It was not an overnight realization, but it was a journey that was well worth the discovery. That I didn’t need to achieve or acquire something from outside. The task of my life was to drop the mask of insecurity and fear and realize the naturally joyful person I already am.
No one would have believed that this side of me existed. I have been living in a dark and isolated corner for so many years now. My family almost forgot that this is who I used to be before you visited me, Stress in your signature surreptitious and insidious style. Now, I welcome the tender and organic influence of my new friends.
This next incident will further their case even more.
Sharing is caring
"The first thing I did was to go to my own room and take deep breaths to calm my worried mind. I don’t know how I would have reacted if I did not have my new friends with me at that moment. Perhaps I would have had an angry, uncontrolled and, totally useless outburst. That may not have been unwarranted, but so ineffective a response would have undermined my chances of positively influencing her."
A very frightening episode occurred last week that shook me to my very roots; I was rudely woken up from my newfound tranquility. I went into my kids’ bedroom to borrow the dictionary. My children have very high standards of privacy and would not expect anyone to even enter their room without their permission. Perhaps this is why my 13-year old girl had left her journal unattended and open. I confess that I have never had much interest or time to pry into their affairs. So, it was a lucky accident that I saw the diary in which my daughter had written her plans of running away - for failing her Physics exam.
I, soon, calmed down and rationally thought out the situation. I gathered my family around me and told them a fictional story (with a happy ending) of a runaway son of my colleague who had failed his Math exam. I explained how worried that colleague and his wife were and how much he loved his child - irrespective of his performance. I embellished my story a bit with the dangers of life on the streets - with the dark alleys and spooky strangers. Horror is not my daughter’s favorite genre.
I am happy to tell you that later that night, my daughter confessed her Physics result to me. I made her promise me that she would never think of running away or do anything else drastic. We also agreed to pay a visit to the planetarium for enlightenment regarding the various laws of nature that Physics has unraveled for us!
Until that moment, I didn’t think about sharing my new friends, yoga, and meditation, with my family and other friends. I had thought of my problem as isolated and separate from those that my near and dear ones had. This scare made me more proactive in introducing and sharing my friends with all of them.
It was not hard to convince them of the positive effects my friends would have on them since it would have been difficult to miss the transformed me. With my daughter, I was prepared to force her to become friends with them. However, it was not necessary - perhaps because I think she was also looking for someone who could help her. After she attended the Art Excel program, she told me that she felt as if someone finally spoke her language – her unspoken words were being understood. Anyone who has a teenager will tell you the relief and gratefulness I felt at her choice of friends.
I know that the improvements in my life have come because of the effort and discipline I have pledged for my own benefit. I am convinced that I have made lifelong friends, who will only have my best interests at heart – always.
So, I now bid my adieu to you Stress, confident that if and when you raise your ugly head again in my life, I am more than well-equipped to handle you. I know that with you there is no absolute certainty, but I believe that we will meet less frequently.
Your energized,
Ex-stressaholic
