Forgiving is not easy. The very thought of forgiving someone who has wronged you is unsettling. It’s normal to feel stiff in forgiving someone, but the secret to forgiveness is that it is not an act done for the sake of the other person. When you choose to forgive, it is your mind that experiences a deep sense of relief and peace.
Again, forgiving is not an active engagement because if it is an action of that sort, then that forgiveness has only boosted the ego. Forgiveness happens as a result of being unable to hold on to the grudge, to bear the pain of hatred, and to sustain that anger. You’re angry with somebody, but at some point, you inevitably say, “Let me give up. I don’t care.” Then you have forgiven them.
If truth be told - forgiveness doesn’t only resolve our past, it relieves us of our fear for the future. When we hold onto memories or traumas, we’re unconsciously attempting to protect ourselves from experiencing that pain again. It can be a gradual process but can be accomplished.
Now, how to forgive someone? Here are few tips on how to forgive someone.
Slip out of resentment
Being resentful always hurts you more than the person you’re holding the grudge against. In fact, it’s true in most cases where while you’re still worrying about something that happened years ago, the other person has forgotten about it.
Let’s dissect this situation:
- Why do you hate the person? Is it for what they are doing?
- If they are doing horrible things, either they are ignorant, or they are stressed. By hating them, can you change them?
- People make mistakes, and you hate them. By hating a person who makes mistakes, can you correct them? No, you cannot correct them when you hate them.
- Do you want them to be corrected? Yes.
- So what is the way? Not hating them, but by educating them.
If you can educate them, let them know their shortcoming, and you move on by forgiving them.
Bank on your inner peace
The mind engages us in thoughts that culminate into frustration, dejection, disappointment, and sadness. In such times, it helps if you practice some breathing exercise and meditation can undoubtedly change the emotional turbulence. It makes you feel so alive in the moment, and disconnects you from all that has happened in the past. Spiritual education is vital to understand the importance of letting go, forgiving others and living a happy, fulfilling life.
Meditation strengthens your inner peace. It also transforms your mind. Forgiving the other person is a wonderful way to honor yourself.
Close the chapter
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says: “Suppose it is too difficult for you to forgive, then don’t forgive. But, will holding on to the grudge make you any happy or peaceful? Can you be happy, content and peaceful without forgiving? If your answer is a maybe or a no, then just let go.
There are many such people; there are many thorns. The nature of thorns is to prick you in your feet. Now, you remove the thorn, throw it, and walk your way. You cannot keep the thorn and keep questioning it, ‘Why did you prick me? It is nasty of you to prick me! I won’t forgive you because you are pricking me!’
It’s the thorn’s nature, it can’t, but only do this! The thorn will say, “You came on my path and so we crossed each other’s paths!” Now is it better to move on, or is it better to keep running behind them? Why are you running behind someone who has ditched you? Why do you keep thinking about someone who has ditched you? It is a good idea to forgive and close the chapter with strength and courage.”
Forgiveness epitomizes strength, compassion, and an openness to life. Though it isn’t always easy, forgiving is an easier choice when you look back. Is there something you’ve been unable to forgive? Go ahead, set yourself free.
With inputs by Seema Thanedar, Faculty, The Art of Living
Based on the wisdom talks by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
